Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a gay mexican on welfare? poor

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why is water clear? Because it doesn't have a pigmentation.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What is a holocaust victim's favorite food? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: Why did the dog bark? A: it cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you piss off a gypsy? Curse at him

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Boys have swag, real men have class

thumb_up thumb_down +24

24

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the man with aids say? "I'm dying and there is nothing you can do about it"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A catholic priest gets a nun pregnant. He drowns the baby several months later.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

did you know towels can cause dry skin?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He tripped over the little step at the entrance. But don't worry, he's not hurt, it just startled him for a second there. They should put a caution sign out front, somebody might get a serious injury. You can never be too safe, after all.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops