How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? As they can't find any, they are just squirrels, they can not asist little timmy choking on the lightbulb rolling around on the floor.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. Johnny runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his? hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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what doesn't kill you makes you crippled for life because you lost use of your legs in a tragic car accident

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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Your mother is so ugly corrective surgery would not be able to improve her appearance

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Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

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What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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Why some people don't get the flu twice? Because they died!

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Jack and Jill went up a hill to snort a little coke, Jack felt horny , so did Jill. But unfortunately Jack cant's maintain an erection no matter how turned on he is.

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Q: What's the difference between a black man from San Diego and a white man from Miami? A: They live in different cities, and in the presidential election, the black man voted for Obama and the white man voted for McCain

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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What do you call a squirrel in my yard? Dead.

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whats funny about the klu klux klan? nothing is funny at all about it because they cause pain and suffering to afircan amaricans and other ethnic groups.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

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What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

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Two Mexicans are at the border and want to cross it. How do they cross it? Illegally

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot.

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what do the parents of a starved family do? kill their kids chop them up into little pieces and eat them.

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2 doctors are talking to each other: -Dead? -Dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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