What did the woman say when she didn't finish her meal? Can I get a to go box

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Q)Why doesn't the blond have a job? A) he is 12

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Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, I died because I didn't have a heart.

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL -LOL GUY

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What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

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what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

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I drove my Chevy to the levy. It was dry.

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Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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What's the difference between jokes and anti-jokes? Anti-jokes aren't funny.

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An elephant walked into a bar. By bar I mean jungle. Elephants aren't capable of walking into a bar.

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Whats sad about 4 blacks riding of a cliff in a cadilac. It was a rental.

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What do you do when a hispanic man takes your wallet? Ask him to please give the wallet back to you

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Wanna know how to confuse a blonde? No. I wanna know which way you would prefer to die.

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How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

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Once there was a pig named Poga. When he grew up, he was slaughtered and made into bacon.

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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