What did the drunk homeless man get for his birthday? Liver cancer.

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A man walks into a bar. He is a diabetic and promptly goes into a coma after drinking.

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What will your friend do after you kill him? Nothing, he is dead.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....... unless it is a nonkiller disease that makes you extremely weak :D

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As we had been trying for some months now, I called my wife to ask her the result of her pregnancy test. A stranger answered and promptly told me she was killed in a car crash.

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whats big fat round and bounces on the ground? a ball and your mum

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What had 82 eyes, 7 mouths, and sings the blues? Nothing, the described creature does not exist.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? (written in 1600 BCE - Westcar Papyrus) -You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish

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What's a boulder's favorite type of music? Boulders don't have ears.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a testicle?

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Sarah lost both arms in a car accident Knock knock Who's there? Not sarah. Roses are red Violets are blue Wow. Clever Knock knock Who's there? Still not Sarah, as she is in a serious condition at her local hospital, and so is fighting for her life.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? I shot him in the face.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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Q-Jetski A-How is olive oil made?

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There's a black guy in a mansion. What's he doing there? He owns it.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I've got a shotgun, Give me the money.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? You're in-laws. Bet you wish I said banana

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Starving.

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What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane? A pilot, what did you think it was? F**king Racist dumbass

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What did one muffin say to the other? I'm baked... just kidding muffins are food and therefore can not speak

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A black man and a white man were in a fight. Who won? I don't know. It was pay-per view and I didn't buy it.

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What did the twin towers order from the pizzeria? Two large Plane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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