One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I've never seen your mother, so I won't make any vile suggestions concerning her weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When the mom came home from work, she was very tired. Her son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She says sure and makes one for him. The boy was very happy and ate his sandwich. I was actually lying above. The mom was actually killed by three men in hoodies that were hiding in her backyard. The came inside and also murdered the boy. Worst of all the killers took all of the food and the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat, Guess it doesn't matter since he is gone...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A blond Canadian and his Korean friend are going together to Korea. When checking in the person asks the Canadian if he has a return ticket leaving the country. He replies yes but he does not have it on him. According to Korean Customs and Immigration laws a non-Korean citizen must have a return ticket to enter the country. Inevitably follows a long and tedious process in order to procure the ticket in order to pass customs. The Korean and the Canadian continue to their boarding gate.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what happened to the man who is standing in the rain? he got wet

thumb_up thumb_down +7

how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Not enough

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar later at night & the bartender says how was your day the man replies "well I found out my mom is a raging crack addict, my grampa has alzheimer's & i have terminal cancer" how was yours the bartender says "I found out im Hitlers lost son".

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's Mexicans favourite sport? Cross country.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping cart? One holds groceries. The other molests small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chiken cross the road? To bite a rubarb stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a shop and picks up some items for his party. He walks out of the shop without paying for the items. The police are promptly called and the man receives a 4 year sentence in prison for shoplifting.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A mouse sniffed a peice of cheese. It was on a mouse trap and then it died in the trap.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

thumb_up thumb_down +7

roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man rode into town on Friday and came out on Friday how did he manage this? He stayed for a couple of hours

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Why are black people so tall? A: Not all black people are tall, and if they are it is probably from their specific genes.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you do when a blonde falls up an elevator? Pray, and hope Jesus will take you as well. Just kidding, Jesus isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If a quiz is also referred to as a quizzicle, then what is a test also referred to as? A test, really. There are no synonyms for 'test' which would result in a humorous punchline; 'exam,' 'essay' and 'evaluation' are the closest possible answers and none of them provide humor at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops