A man walks into a bar The bartender asks: What would you like to drink?

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Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

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Why was a woman not considered in the role for a stunt driver? Because her skill level was not sufficient enough for the requirements.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tradegy.

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Why was the boy with no arms and legs crying? He had a lit match in his anus.

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Roses are red violets are blue you better run I see you

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What did the monkey say to the African American? Monkeys cannot speak, therefore it would not be able to communicate with an African American, who is an equally respected member of the community, in an efficient way.

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What did Harry Potters owl say to Harry Potter? delivowe for hawwy potter!

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LA Police, Christine Collins called. She wants her son back.

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What did the Asian dad say to his son when he got an A- in math? Good job son.

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A man walks into a bar and sees two girls making out. He orders a drink and leaves.

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Why did Polly fall off her roof? Because her dad pushed her.

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What do you call a white guy sitting on a bench? The NBA.

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Lol... (wow you made me type lol), "like it is nothing to be ashamed of?" Your eyes are really beautiful, honestly probably the most beautiful eyes I have seen... And no, I am not talking about your bewbs.

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what's black, white, and red all over? a penguin stuck in a blending machine

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A Mexican man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "haven't you got a damaged liver?" The Mexican replies "haven't you got a job to do?" The Mexican died 2 seconds later

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Knock, Knock. Who's There? Its Greg. I forgot my keys, can you let me back in?

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Hey connor and brett its ben, you are both at my house

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How do you fix a chimpanzee? With a monkey wrench

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Macy's was having a giant sale.

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Quaint? Oh yeah? YOU ARE QUAINT! No seriously, whats that word all about.

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How do you make a boy cry? Pour hot soup on his head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops