Your mom is not fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Some of the people on this site who write these "jokes" are complete morons. Many of them believe that racism, sexism, and spamming is hilarious. Each one of them is a ****ing dumbass and needs to be removed from this site. Racism is not funny, people are murdered because of it! Those who think that they are being funny by insulting others need to get a life and stop ruining this site for others who want to read good jokes free of racism. Africans, Hispanics, Jews, and everyone else deserves better than to be insulted like this. And I'm a white, so take that you racist whores! I apologize for those of you who have good humor that have to read this, but those other jerks need to be told off.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

AFTER PONDERING UPON YOUR SUGGESTION... I HAVE CONSIDERED, THOUGHT, SOUGHT TROUGH THE YELLOW PAGES OF WISDOM AND MIGHT, AND MY ANSWER TO THAT SUGGESTION IS... A DEFINITIVE, FIRM AND MANLY... Moral: MAAAAYBEEEEE?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road? He Crossed The Road To Stand In An Icecream Line , Where A Little Boy Stood Infront Of Him, The Chicken Was Scared To Cross The Road Again To Get To The Other Side Because He Saw The Little Boy Get Hit By A Bus. So The Chicken Decided The Best Thing To Do Was To Sit Under A Tree , Where A Big White Thing Fell On Him , It Was A Fridge, Once The Fridge Hit The Ground Mexicans Ran Out And Then Explained To There Local Chickens What Crossing The Street Can Cause Them. To Be Dead. Moral: Dont Let A Chicken Cross The Road. :)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

when i'm away from home i sometimes get love sick, well they call it chlamydiae.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is worse than getting stung by a bee? Watching your mother getting raped by your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A vegetarian walked into a butcher Luckily he realized where he was and walked out!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two monkeys are sitting in a tree. One monkey looks to the other monkey and says, "I bet I can jump from this tree to the next tree without falling." The other monkey replies, "I'm sure you could. You're a monkey."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many dead hookers can you fit in a trunk? Five

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Is your refrigerator running? Yes Wtf?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two monkeys are lying in a tree. Big monkey and little monkey, little monkey bites the big monkey's tale, big monkey starts jumping around the place shouting. Little monkey just starts laughing and takes another sip of whiskey.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red Violets are blue I've tested positive for herpes We probably shouldn't have intercourse

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are grey, Violets are black, I have Alzheimer's, Barthtub.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Where's Wally? In a children's book.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Gandalf and Dumbledore had a son, her name wasn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many cupcakes are there in the world joe How many? I don't know I was asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats the difference between a falcon and a deer? both live in water, except for the falcon... oh, and the deer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Caolan and Eamon

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know, I was too busy masterbating.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops