A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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why did the cow say "moo"? because he's a cow and that's what cows say.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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Why was Timmy crying when he got home? His family was dead in a pile with a pitchfork going through each of their bodies

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What is Black, White and Asian? A Panda Bear

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why couldnt the man dunk? because he was 3' 2" and a legal midget.

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What's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies. I'd rather had the porsche in my garage

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Roses are red Violets are Blue Let's just screw

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what did spiderman say before he saved mary jane? ill save you mary jane.

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old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

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What do you call a dog with no legs Nothing it won't come

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how do you confuse a blonde? tap her on both shoulders

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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A lepord can carry two times its weight into a tree, i dont have a joke for this yet but youll leave here learning something.

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How did poor Miss Suzy get her poor little baby to stop crying? She cut off its head, burned its body, and sacrificed its ashes in a bizarre Satanic ritual that involved having sex with a heifer. (Miss Suzy was a Satanist priestess.)

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What did the snowman say when winter was ending? -Nothing you dumbass

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Whats black on top and white on bottom? R a p e.

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If an aeroplane falls from 15,000 feet in the air and crashes into and orphanage is it possible that no-one will get hurt? No,the aeroplane will destroy the orphange hurting the property value.

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What do you call a black priest? Holy s***

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So a plane flies into a world trade centre... That's not funny

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Banana. Banana who? The Holocaust.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, if you had a pulmonary embolism, you would be too

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Knock knock, Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Smith, I'm here for the Smith Family Reunion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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