Help i have fallen and i cannont get up Life alert life alert To bad just sit there we dont care

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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Knock Knock I have a f*cking doorbell you asshole

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What's worse then three frogs playing leap frog? Nothing that would be awesome

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why did the little girl scream?She was afraid of clowns and hated small cars running around a tent

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley.

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There was a mexican man and a chinese man, They walked into a bomb shop and bought three bombs, then left.

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A: Knock Knock. B:Whose there? A:Jehovah witness!

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A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

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Why was the man struck by lightning? Josh Mathai was there.

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What did the black man get for Kwanza? AIDS

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he is no longer alive.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky , but silly Jill forgot her pill so now there's little Frankie...

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Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

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What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red shirt.

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A criminal walks into a bar, and shoots the bartender and has his way with the waitress. Its his bar now.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

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Wanna hear a dead baby joke? Of course you don't. they're sick and disgusting and enjoyment of one merits only the deepest of society's hatred and scorn.

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What's sad about a black guy driving up a hill in a car? It's yor car

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken saw some potential food across the street.

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Why are Pine trees green? Because light reflects at different wavelengths, and the chlorophyll, found in chloroplasts, being abundant in the needles of pine trees, Reflect the correct wavelength for green.

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how did hitler lure the jews onto trains to concentration camps? he told them he hid a penny in one of the cars

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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