A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Ryan O'Sullivan likes to suck his own penis. - Ryan O'Sullivan.

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Roses are shitty Violets are bitches I'm fat.

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What do you call a man without any money? Broke.

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What's the difference between a Green Grocers and Fighter pilot! One flys a plane and one sells food.

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What happen when the man preposed to his girlfriend? He regretted for the rest or his life.

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4 gay men walked into a bar. it was a gay bar. all 4 men had a good time

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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a duck. The bartender is confused, assumes the women has some sort of mental problem, and treats her nicely, as his sister suffers from Down's Syndrome.

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What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? No one laughs at your jokes.

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Why did the guy jump out of the plane? he was parachuting

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Knock knock Who's there? No one, you have no friends.

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Why is my lawn red? Because i forgot to tell my neighbor's children to move

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Rsoes aer rde, voiltes are bule, i have dyslexia. It's not funny.

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What is the best way to kill Kony? Shoot him in the head.

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whats the difference between a thousand dead babies and a porshe? i dont have a porshe in my garage

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What's the difference between Sony and Kony? Sony is a company which produces electrical appliances and Kony is a Ugandan Warlord.

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What do you do in a one night stand? Stand all night long.

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Why did the christmas tree smell like shit? because pavaroti used it as a dildo

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Holocaust jokes are in bad taste, Anne Frankly I won't have any of it.

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Why did Hitler shoot himself He saw his his gas bill

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What do you call a fake noodle An impasta

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What did the old man say to the young man? Nothing, the old man was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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