How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the boy's face red? He put his cat in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What happened to the deaf, dumb, and blind kid? I don't know. Niether does he.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did the boy have no friends? cause he was smelly

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"I am proud to be black and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist. "I am proud to be white and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Racist and offensive to black people "I am proud to be asian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist "I am proud to be Ethiopian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Said nobody, ever

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did bob hit Jim Because bob didn't like Jim

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse then me banging your mom? The fact that I gave her HIV

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Your Mum Is So Dumb, It Took Her 2 Hours To Watch 60 Minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q) What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow? A) An abomination

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Adolf the Red-Nosed Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the muslim surprised? A tyrannosaurus rex bit off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did the clown go to the graveyard? because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +19

TOP COMMENT IS MINE!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A man walks into a bar, he realizes he has no money and leaves

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the guy in the ferrari stop? -He hit the median at 100mph.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hickory Dickory Dock. 2 mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one.. and the second one got away with major injuries, dying in a hospital three days later. The clock is now serving its 8th year in jail out of 25 years, and does not regret anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops