Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chipmunk fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a person with no arms? Armless.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What starts with an 's' and ends with a 'hit'? Shortly after the war, 4 men went to celebrate at the local bar. They all had a grand time there, when a man in black walked into the bar. The man in black knocks once on the bar. "What do you want?" asked the bartender. The man in black didn't respond. This time, the bartender asked again, only louder. The man in black then turned to his right to face the 4 other men celebrating. The man in black then suddenly pulled out a pistol, and shot the 4th man. He then burst into a sprint and ran out of the bar. "He's hit," the 3rd man shouted, "he's hit!"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what did jake say to the priest? hmmm, salty

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what's the difference between a black man and a bench? the bench is an inanimate object

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

My neighbours found out this morning that I'm a serial killer. Knock knock [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer procrastinated fixing the latch on the coop. Did his wife warn him this would happen? Yessss! Did he listen? Noooo!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the black man in a white van get when he went over the speed limit? A speeding ticket

thumb_up thumb_down +31

whats a diffrence between a bench and a black person the bench is a thing a black person is a human being

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Three men are sitting in a tub. One of them says "Toss me the soap." The second one says "Toss me the shampoo." The third one says "Toss me the toaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Whats black and blue and doesnt bruise? a bruise.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Where would you find 10 dead babies buried next to each other? In a cemetary.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the Fish say to the other Fish? Nothing, fish cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What is worse then falling into a lava pit? Nothing you idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's black and white and red all over? A modern abstract painting

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

So two cannibals are eating a clown. Cannibal one: Does this taste funny to you? Cannibal two: Considering that this man was a clown he must have been in poverty so he resulted to being an alcoholic and maybe over dosed on over the counter drugs. Cannibal one: Thank you for that reasonable answer.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Two black guys walk into a bar the bartender says get out

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Mel Gibson and a Jew walk into a bar They proceed to have a pleasant conversation and both take taxis home

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops