What did the homeless man say to his family? Nothing. His family left him after he lost his job.

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How do you get a baby out of the blender? Pour it

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A man walks into a bar. The barman says, 'why the lo-, wait, i thought you was that horse again.'

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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roses are dead violets are gross guess what i'm in your closet

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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Q:What is harder than nailing ten dead babies to a tree? A:Nailing one dead baby to ten trees.

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How did the idiot die? He comitted suicide because people were picking on his stupidity. (If you laughed at this you are a horrible person)

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Women can vote? wtf

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What do Black people call their fathers? Dad.

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Oh no! I forgot the milk!

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Do you feel lucky punk, well do ya? ..Umm i'm sorry :/ I'm not gay!... I'm into chicks...you know?!

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Why did Amy fall out of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Amy.

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What happen? Idk...

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Albert, there is a dead, FLY in your hair.

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There is an elephant, a zebra, a lion, and a black man. The black man is enjoying his visit to the zoo.

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A man walks in a bar he talks to the bartender aand he tells him a joke about him and hs friends. how do you find out his name? You killl the bartenders friends and family untill he talks.

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how do you stop a gang of black people from raping a white woman? throw a basketball

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Some really old band covered Dirty Bit. But the cut out the Dirty Bit part so its just the Time of life part

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what do you call a black man in a car? -a person who passed his drivers test

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Why do you put babies in the blender feet first? To hear them scream.

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oh hi, i'm an idiot, i mean mitt romney

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A black man comes home from work.

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Q.Whats the differents between justin bieber and a girl A.Nothing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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