Jeff comes home from a long day at work. As a result he is very tired. So, he decides to go to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock Knock Who's there? A Crazy Rhinoceros

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: How do you make a plumber sad? A: Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. His face bumped into something that was soft, squishy, smooth, and round... It was a balloon. Someone was having a birthday party.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mother lives so loosely that she has several terminal diseases and only has 3 weeks to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

ha ha, I can talk and you can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you kill a black man? feed him mayonase

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the mormon say when he complemented the gay person? Nothing, because mormons hate gays.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A horse walks into a bar. It trips over a barstool, breaks it's leg, and is butchered and turned into canned dog food.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you get the icing in the middle of a cupcake? Cupcake raper...Duh

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the chicken cross the road? because his mother was dieing of terminal cancer in the hospital across the street where the bar was. he was drinking because he is an alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A guy walks into a bar. He goes to the hospital with a severe head injury and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If life throws you melons, maybe you are hitting the melons.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one underneath it. What's worse than that? It has to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

wounds are red bruises are blue I've got five fingers the middle ones for you

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why couldn't the rich dumbass get into colledge? He couldn't open the door

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Was that last joke funny? Well this one isn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops