What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having a giant, angry ape on steroids rip your heart out and eat it before your eyes as you painfully die from the unbearable pain and rapid blood loss.

What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

Why was Jacob not allowed to play sports? He fell down in the middle off the street and got ran over 50 times and could never do anything again.

What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

Oh please! Come on! Those that got to us where mostly Russians remember? And what where my parents? (if you do not know you might have guessed it by now) I found a guy that looked about the same as me, messed him up and put my jacket on him, I do not die that easily. Anyway, id explain more, but I have been without these fucking painkillers so long that I am talking trash on this stupid site again... Seriously the pain I am used to, but this addiction on painkillers is a bitch... (shedog if censor got a hold on it) But it turns out I cant sleep without them, sleep just does not come anymore, so Ill go get some now. Who are you by the way? I am Nero7, Aka Axel Knight.

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

Why was the prostitute unsuccessful? because she had no vagina

Whats worse than the holocaust? Sex with helen keller.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Christmas presents.

Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get for ya?" The man replies, "A beer."

What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.

What did the terrorist get for Christmas? A bullet in his head.

What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

what did the mexican do yesterday? bang your mom

How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

Why didn't the pregnant, pro-choice woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Don't be ridiculous. First of all, scientifically this is near impossible and secondly, what use would a kangaroo with wool be? Sheepdogs would become obsolete and they would be a nightmare to shear. Imbecile.

Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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