my own dog bit my penis off, it was then put down. it was the worst day of my life.

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

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Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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Hey look i just made a jo... shit.

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What do you call a group of black people in a lamboghini..... Unlikely

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guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

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Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

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Why was Tommy late for school? He got raped by spiderman.

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roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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Q. why did the black man cross the road? A. Cause there is no law saying he cant

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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Why Cant michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he is dying of Parkinson's disease.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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there once was a man named china who got stuck in yo mamas vagina he escaped through her butthole minus her butt mole and then died a horrible and painful death

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Yo Mama is so fat that she should probably make an appointment with a bariatric surgeon.

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what do you call a dumb blonde with no arms? Her name because she will not respond to anything else

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops