knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

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knock knock whoses there whose home whoses home who? you

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What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

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What did the black man do when KFC got his order wrong? He gave his receipt to the cashier and kindly asked for the correct meal.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To collect it's AIDS medication.

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Woof.

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What's big fat and ugly? A monster

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

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What's the difference between Timmy and a car? Timmy can be brutally murdered.

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Whats worse than failing an English test? finding out your now exgirlfriend has aids.

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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What do you call it when the Doctor goes back in time to meet himself? A pair o' Docs. What do you call it when Shaquille O'Neil goes back in time to meet himself? Shaquille O'Neil can't go back in time.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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