How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive blonde. He is afraid of talking to her so he goes home and masterbates himself to sleep.

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Two monkeys are sittin in a bathtub. The first monkey says to The second, "HEY! pass the soap." The second says to the The first monkey, "DUDE. thats not soap, its a typewriter!!!!"

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what is white on top and black on bottom Society What is black on top and white on bottom Rape

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what's the difference between an abortion clinic and my basement? there are more dead fetuses in my basement

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Knock Knock!! . . (There is no response as nobody's home)

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your mom is so nasty that when she took a shower and acquired general etiquette, she became possibly more respectable

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Did the Jewish surgeon charge extra for circumcisions? Nope, he just kept the tips

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why is 6 afraid of 7 because 7 is slenderman and he is chasing 6

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I have two coins in my hand that add up to 30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel. I accidentally dropped them.

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What do you say to a black couple that just got married? Congratulations

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What does shit smell like? Your maaaa

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What did Billy say to Jesus when he died? Nothing he went to hell. -Austin Conradt

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It's hard to tell, but i could really use a cigarette.

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I've got a tip for the ladies. Or if you like I can put the whole thing

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your friend: i did ur mom you: jokes on u my moms gross friend:.....

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What do you call a Mexican that is jumping off a building? A suicidal jumper!

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What's the hardest part about watching a 2 year old get hit by a bus? Trying not to laugh.

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what do santa clause and a blueberry have in common they both have beards....except the blueberry

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

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What would George Washington do if he was able to talk to all of America? Ask them to dig him up.

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What do you call the Flintstones if they were black? N****rs

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What do black people and tornadoes have in common? - It only takes one to destroy a neighborhood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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