Your momma is so fat that she's developed a cardiovascular disease and has 5 weeks to live

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

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What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

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my brother yells at me for singing in the shower so i scream "how can you hate from outside the tub when you cant even get in?"

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Spongebob. "Hey Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24." Patrick "Let me hear it." Spongebob "25"

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Douse it in gas and throw it in a fire

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

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Q: What do you call a drunk man driving a Corvette with no arms, no legs and a missing eye? A: A severely impaired driver

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why didnt the guy go to work one morning he died in a car accident

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Q: Knock - Knock A: NO SOLICITORS!

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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How do you spell orange? O-R-A-N-G-E-U-D-U-M-B-A-S-S

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause he wanted to get squashed by the giant pancake.

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Whet doesn't kill you, probably will next time.

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why is king kong so fat? because he eats to mucj

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Why are black people so ghetto? because they live in the ghetto

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Q: Why were minorities denied access to the bathroom? A: It was for employees only.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Fetus Blood. Due to the low concentration of iron, it gives it an aroma of paint.

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? A lot.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Two blonds walk into a building....they couldnt see it.

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Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops