A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

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Yo mama's so fat, she died of a mixture of obesity and type 1 diabetes.

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What is black and white, and red all over? A mutilated penguin.

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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What did the deaf girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was Jewish

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Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

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Knock Knock Who's There Not you... What? *Pulls out finger gun* *Screams BOOM!*

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Roses are red, Violets are red, OH SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Names.

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died.

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whats green and lives in the water

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why did the man beat his wife? why not?

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what is green and has weels? grass i was kidding about the weels.

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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Why did your mom fall off the swing? I shot him.

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Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

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Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart.

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Where did Ben go after being hit by a high speed train? Underneath the train's wheels.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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So, there's a black man, an Asian man and an Irishman who are in a bar, politely discussing wether the Asian's phone would break if it was thrown from a plane in the Pacific Ocean. The black man says "Of course it would break." The Irishman says "I have no opinion on this..." The Asian man says "I think it would break, you are right John." Suddenly, a man enters.

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Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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