I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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I don't often drink beer, but when I do, I make the poor decision to attempt to drive while intoxicated, kill a pedestrian, and end up in jail with a hangover, a DUI, and an account of vehicular homicide. Don't drink and drive simultaneously.

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What's the difference between a black person and a pizza? Pizza is a type of food.

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Knock knock! Just kidding.

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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What did john say to bob Hey bob

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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What can a Giraffe have, that no other animal on Earth can? A baby Giraffe.

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What did the doctor say to the seriously ill patient? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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what's black and hangs from a tree in my garden? a blackberry

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What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? Eating mud

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What do you call a fat man who can turn slim? I don't know

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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A black man "walks into" a club. Several minutes later he is dead. The police, in a later press conference, refuse to admit that the club ever left the officer's belt.

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What goes up a hill with 4 legs and comes down with 3? A horse, which, upon reaching the top of the hill, has one of its legs chopped off, which is when the horse proceeds down the hill.

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Why did the black man steal the mountain bike? He didn't. He purchased and payed for the mountain bike.

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i saw amango it splootered

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What does a black person call black friday? Friday.

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What did the fruit say when it was about to be sliced in half? Nothing, fruits cannot talk, duh.

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Why couldn't Jimmy run in the track race? Because he has been paralyzed since he was 3, due to a horrible accident

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mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

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Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

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Roses are red violets are blue, your library book is overdue, and if you dont pay the fine...i'll punch you in the mouth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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