What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? That is not nearly as important as how to cure cancer so let's not worry about it.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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No antijoke here.

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What Did The Ocean Say To The Other Ocean? What? Nothing, They Just Waved. Oh. Did You Sea What I Did There? No. I'm Shore You Did.

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a mustang? I don't have a mustang in my garage..

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You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

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ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I HAVE AIDS NOW YOU DO TOO

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Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

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If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

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Three guys walk into a bar.....The fourth one ducks...

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings. Now hats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Three bee stings.

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What one thing do the five members of Mystery Inc have in common? They were all raped and killed by REAL MONSTERS! One of the monsters happened to be Chuck Norris. He's a BEAST!

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What happens when you mix bleach and ammonia? You eventually die of respiratory failure from inhaling chlorine gas and possibly an exploding toilet.

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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What did the pillow say to it's owner? Nothing. Pillows are not able to talk.

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THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

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How did the little boy fall off his bycicle? Prior to this incident, a psychopathetic killer murdered his family. Therefore, to escape the killer, the boy got onto his bycicle in hopes of manuvering away from the threat. Since it was nighttime he did not notice the fault in the asphalt.( No ryhme intendid.) From flipping over his handlebars, he fell unconcious. Upon the killer spotting the boy, he sliced his head off and left the scene to not be spotted by police.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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One sunny Tuesday morning, Tom and his friends were outside playing at the park. Then, suddenly, a violent storm was rapidly approaching. It was recommended that everyone should seek shelter immediately.

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How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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