What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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Oh please! Come on! Those that got to us where mostly Russians remember? And what where my parents? (if you do not know you might have guessed it by now) I found a guy that looked about the same as me, messed him up and put my jacket on him, I do not die that easily. Anyway, id explain more, but I have been without these fucking painkillers so long that I am talking trash on this stupid site again... Seriously the pain I am used to, but this addiction on painkillers is a bitch... (shedog if censor got a hold on it) But it turns out I cant sleep without them, sleep just does not come anymore, so Ill go get some now. Who are you by the way? I am Nero7, Aka Axel Knight.

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Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

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Q. Whats red and smells like blue paint? A. Wheres my tractor?

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Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

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-Your momma is so ugly, she wasnt a model. -Am I supposed to be caring?

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. They then proceed to bake into tasty pastries which are then eaten for snacks or maybe a light breakfast.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Bob, your neighbor. Okay, come in.

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When did Rick Santorum realize he was gay? When we woke up with a bloody condom in his ass.

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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What happened to the lady? She queefed.

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Whats big, red and will cause severe injuries possibly fatalities if it falls out a tree? A phone box

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't the farmer shot him before he could have a chance at freedom.

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If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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What did Stephen Hawking say to his daughter? Nothing, his illness prevents him from talking. And letting a high-tech wheelchair make human sounds isn't talking!!!

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A Blonde, a Jew, a Rooster, and a Mexican walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bigger worm in your apple.

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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Q: What did Steve say to his teacher on the first day of school? A: "My name is Steve."

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Whats black, white, and red all over? a dead panda.

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*knock knock* i have diarrhea

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The global news

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Why did hitler kill all the Jews? He is racist

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Ask me if I'm a watermelon. Are you a watermelon? No...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops