Yo momma so old that she should be concerned about mesothelioma and asbestoses, as she may have lived during a period of increased asbestos use. She may also be at risk of osteoporosis and should take vitamin supplements daily to improve her rapidly deteriorating health.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I'm gay Mr Goodwin

thumb_up thumb_down +2

...._ ..,,-======-. `''< .$$$$$$P"??$$??!!!!>. ,$$$$$$P .?!!!!!!!!!> $$$$$$$k !!!!!!!!!!!!!!> d$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!: d$$$$$$$$$F '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: d$$$$$$$$$$ '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> $$$$$$$$$$$L !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! d$$$$$$$$$$$$ '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! d$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!XX!!!!!!!!!!!!! d$$$$$$$$$$$$x!!!!!!#X!!!!!!!!!!!!> 3$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!$!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!$!!!!!!!!!!!!!> ?$$$$$$$$$$?!!!!!!!Xd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> $$$$$$$$$?!!!!!!!WT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?$$$$$$$F!!!!!!!td!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$!!!!!!!Ud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?$$$$$$!!!!!!W?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> $$$$$C!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> ?$$$$$!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> $$$$$X!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> $$$$b!!!!9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> `$$$$$C!!9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?$$$$$$bUi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! `$$$$$$$$$$$$$b!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?$$$$$$$$$$$$$f!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$)!!!!!!!!!!!!!> ?$$$$$$$$$$F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; ?$$$$$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; $$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! `$$$$P?(`-, `'(-(-`<>.\'- ,;

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the bus company sued? For substandard national safety regulations

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mothers so ugly that when memory sees her it says " Damn-it I hate my job!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than terminal cancer? Two terminal cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why couldn't Suzie ride the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hickory Dickory Dock Three mice ran up a clock The cluck struck one But the two other got away with minor injuries

thumb_up thumb_down +2

There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

where was Billy during the bomb? Every where

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man sees a hot girl. The hot girl sees him. The man asks her out on a date. After five years of dating he asks for her hand in marriage. She says "No way, I'm married you horror!!!" The man cries and moves in with his mom... Two days later he commits suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you call an icy road? dangerous.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a man dropped a bar of soap in the shower. He immediately picked it up and finished washing himself. He then got dressed and left the gym.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? The farm was sold and he had no other place to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops