how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

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Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

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Why didn't little Billy cross the road? He was dead.

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What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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How much does a dead baby weight? the same amount when it was alive!

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How do you make a French-man cry? Kill his family.

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My neighbours found out this morning that I'm a serial killer. Knock knock [L]

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? because she had no arms. --- Knock, Knock Whos there? Not Sally.

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What do you call a mailman who doesn't deliver mail? Unemployed

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Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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An armadillo walks into a bar, and shouts "I hear you don't serve armadillos." "That is correct," the bartender replies.

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Q: What did the air freshener say to the car??? A: Nothing. Air fresheners are inanimate objects

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A boy kills DEER & cooks it & doesn't tell friends what it is. He gives a clue "Its what my girlfriend calls Me!..

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What do a chicken and a grape have in comon? - They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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What starts with "F" and ends in "uck" Firetruck.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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