Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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A man with a broken arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I broke my arm, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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Why cant Helen Keller drive a bus? Cuz she's dead!

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why did the man stop his bike he was having a heart attack

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What's Gay and has a penis? Justin Bieber, I lied about the penis

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Your'e probably not going to laugh at this joke, it wasn't made to be funny

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

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Violets are blue and/or violet Roses are red so's my blood, see?

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why did the chicken cross the road? becuase he wanted to walk and the road was the only available place to do so

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What did hitler said to the chinese? Thank you for continuing my legacy.

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Why did the black guy punch the white guy? They were both professional boxers.

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Have ever seen Helen Keller's house? No. Neither has she.

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Justin with a hat.

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Why is Tommy dead? Because he died.

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby? You take your boots of before jumping on the trampoline!!!!!!!!!

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Is that a gun? Or are you forcing your boner into my back? Or is it something completely different that shares the physical characteristics of guns and boners?

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What happened to the white man who beat up the black man? He was arrested for assault and battery. What happened to the black man who beat up the white man? He was also arrested for assault and battery. Their races have no superiority to the law.

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Why do so many people like writting really bad anti jokes? Said Santa Claus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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