Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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Study from real life: My trip to Texas. (From the time when I was interested in mormon-ism.) Texan: And here is my gun collection, great for shootin yer Mexican scum. Me: Uh I am Norwegian but my ancestors where Russian or something so my skin is... Texan: *points gun at me and pushes trigger halfways* Just kidding der son, sure you aint no Mexican though? Okay just checkin ya know... Me *sweating bullets* Texan guys gun go off almost hitting me and breaking a vase.. Conclusion: He blamed me, everyone had lunch outside later, everyone kept looking at the "trigger happy MEXICAN"... Nero: By then I began grasping the fact that I was better suited for the study of the dark arts... And also learned that in Mormonism, Heaven and Hell are planets locked into war, where black people where neutral, and red people are demon supporters, but WE CAN ALL BE SAVED BY BECOMING WHITE! JUST LIKE THE ANGEL MORONI! Conclusion two: Moroni... Lol.

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being brutally murdered as you are watching your guts spilling out of your body

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman are all in the Great Britain Olympic squad,

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Q: Why is Little Johnny in the hospital with a bullet wound and a broken arm? A: I shot him of his bike.

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3 men walk into a bar. The 4th one ducks.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

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jasper walks into a bar, he sees an elephant and can't believe his eyes. he says "HORGWARSH!"

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What's the difference between a Gay Man and a Straight Woman? Anatomy.

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if u ever get arrested by cop, just tell the cop this: "No no officer, you got it all wrong. It was only a game. It's called RAPE."

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Jamie: Peter your hands smell like cows! Jason: eeh no they smell like cows balls

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know ask a second grader.

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"Where are my shoes?" asked the man. "On your feet," I replied. "You are a paraplegic and have no feeling from the waist down."

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Fortunately, the bra was on display in a clothing store and was not actually being worn at the time.

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What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

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What's an example of something quiet? Helen Keller.

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What do you call a Fly with no wings? Dead.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue There's suppose to be a fourth line.

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What do Lebron James and Bill Murray have in common? They are both black basketball players. Except for bill murray

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what happened to the girl that didn't forward the threatening chain text to ten people? nothing.

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What is a holocaust survivors favorite food nothing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops