A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Why did the 80 year old man lose his vision? Because he recently blew his head off.

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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jeffrey: Do you know what happened on the 5th of november? gerald: No jeffrey: I cant remember

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"What's long, black, and smelly?" "The unemployment line." Upon hearing his boss tell this joke, the accountant files a complaint with human resources and the boss must attend several work training classes to develop a better sense of racial awareness and compassion. The workplace soon becomes a much less threatening environment for all people.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Getting your balls chopped off by a maniac on LSD.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Guy: do u wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nah its to long Girl: Do u wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Actually that would make me very self concious I have ghonorrea and would appreciate not having to tell one.

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What's worse then finding a worm in ur apple? Nothing it sucks and it's a waste of an apple

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Shark week? More like owl week. Hoo!

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What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

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what's worse than a dead baby in the bathtub? if the baby was named Grace.

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What did the fat man say to the Spaniard? Nothing. The Spaniard was skinny and so the fat man was jealous and shot him in the face.

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What did the wizard say to the man? Wizards aren't real. Thus not able to speak.

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What's the difference between contemporary Christian music?

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Was the last joke funny? Because this one isn't.

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Roses are flowers.

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What's the difference between Santa clause and the Jews? Santa goes down the chimney

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when life throws you lemons you should probably get out of the way because it will hurt

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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What do you call a Muslim on a plane? A passenger, you racist bastard.

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wife: why are women's feet smaller husband: so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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