Friend's are like penguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the other kids at recess? I chopped her legs off.

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Why did the doctor not make it to his appointment in time? Because he died in 9/11!

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What is red and ragging? A Hemorrhoid

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Whats black and runs really fast? Usain Bolt

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Yo momma's so old, she lives in a nursing home and is on various medications that she needs to take to stay in optimum health.

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There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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69

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What is worse than 10 babys in 1 garbage can? 1 baby in 10 garbage cans.

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Roses are red bullets are led if you don't take me back now i'll shoot you in the head!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because earlier that day, the chicken was taking a shiit, and when he went to wipe, there was no toilet tissue, so he ran upstairs to his parents room, and shot them both with a shotgun, then he ate them while they were still gasping for air, then the neighbors heard the gunshots so they came over to make sure everything was alright, but little did they know that the chicken planned for it and they were electricuted to a crisp by the fence, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road? Because the store for chips was across the street

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THERE'S THE IDENTITY THIEF GET HIM!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Not a blind guy.

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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Someone offers your friend one of two things he say's "choose witch one you want" your friends asks you and you say "if i were you, i'd be ugly"

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Why does Renee suck at tetris Because she has cancer.

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What did the black guy say to the white guy? What did the black guy say o the white guy

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Whats white, fat, and looks like a horse? An albino horse who apparently has a high chance of diabetes.

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a irish man walks past a bar

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yo mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

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what's blue , and you can urinate on it ? a rim block.

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops