What did the mouse say to the elephant that sat on him? Nothing, he died on impact.

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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A man walked into a bar. He got drunk and left.

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I like my wine like I like my children... Eight years old and locked in a cellar

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ARGH! LADY THAT SNAKE BIT MY PECKER! YOU HAVE TO SUCK THE POISON OUT NOW! OMG SURE, err...Meh, thats not a poisonous snake... Oh... dammit! I mean phew! Ouch ouch ouch!

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Knock Knock. Who's there? [no one] After that day, Dave moves out of the house assuming that a ghost knocked on his door.

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How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And so are you But the roses have wiltered The violets are dead The sugar bowl is empty And so is your head

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Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

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What do you call a man who kills others for his own amusement? A psychologist

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? She had no arms

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Grease is the word that you heard it's got groove it's got meaning

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Why did the kid get beaten up? -he was gay

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oooooooooooooo yeah write there thats the spot what i was talking about my car

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Guest-knock knock (silence) Guest-hello is anyone there? no go away Guest-looks like there is no one here lets leave

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How can a hobo become rich? It can't. It died from food poisoning from eating food out of the trash.

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What did the college student do during her Spring Break in Mexico? We're not sure, she never came back.

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What did the apple say to the grape? Nothing, fruit are incapable of speaking

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A Polack walks into a bar. Which makes sense because the bar was in Warsaw.

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In Soviet Russia, Joseph Stalin killed a lot of people and there was nothing funny about it.

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Q: what did the black man say after the white man said knock knock A: who's there

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What did the teenage girl get for just sweet 16? An abortion

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It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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