Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple.

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a man was hired for a job. he made a lot of money and was able to support his family.

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Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Dead.

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ok

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike!

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A white man got injected by Heroin at a party and got instantly addicted.

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Tyrone is innocent! I can't wait until Kirsty gets hers!

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That dress looks amazing on you considering how fat you are.

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? were lawyers

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What's the difference between a duck and a bicycle? They both have handlebars. Except for the duck.

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How many people does it take to drive a car? 1 person

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A very unfortunate blind fish.

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What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

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What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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Who gave Miley Cyrus her new haircut? Hellen Keller

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

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What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

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whats the best kind of chocolate bar? a larsbar

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What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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