Why did the man rob the house? He had a horrible childhood which led him to making these bad choices.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was raped when i was little.

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Whats worse than finding an actual joke on anti-jokes? A.I.D.S.

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Did you hear about the monkey in the tree? Oh no wait. It was a lizard.

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Hey I just met you, And this is crazy, I've got dementia, Hey I just met you.

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Why didn't the chicken not get across the road? Cause it's head got shot off by some drunk asshole

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What's better than winning $500? Using it to support the Islams to destroy America

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A dog is always in the pushup position.

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YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LOVED AND NURTURED ME THROUGH MY CHILDHOOD YEARS? MY MOM.

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What do you call a green blur in the sky? Super pickle?

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously more than six because my bass meant is still dark.

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Whats something really annoying? A guy who presses enter too much. hehe

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing???? she had down syndrome

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What did the mexican do when 3 INS workers came to his house? He showed them his papers and it turns out he was a natural born US citizen. The mexican then proceeded to invite the INS into his home for a cup of coffee but they respectfully declined

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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What's big, white, and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

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We are sorry for being so sorry, and apologize again for apologizing so much... Why wont you just let me apologize? Does this insult you? I apologize. HEY! STOP THAT! I SAID I WAS SORRY SORRY FOR BEING SORRY! FORGIVE ME PLEASE SORRY WHY ARE YOU DRAWING THAT KNIFE OUT OF THE... LISTEN I AM SORRY!!! From my book the boy that cried help too much: The help arrived and the boy was never seen again. TRIPLE POST TO SAY SORRY FOR DOUBLE POSTING! QUADRUPLE POST TO SAY SORRY FOR DOUBLE POSTING...ETC.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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Why did a kid throw a clock out the window? Because he was adopted

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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