how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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A chicken walked into the bar...

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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Why can't Michael Jackson work at a boy scouts camp? Because he's dead.

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What's funnier than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans.

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How many pupils does the teacher have? 2.

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Q. What did the Cat say to the Dog? A. "These humans are so jobless.."

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I was walking down a railway line the other day... I was fined £1000

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

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What did the teenage girl text her friend while driving? It doesn't matter, she's dead now. Don't text and drive.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

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What do you get when you cross a pug and a beagle? A cross pug and a cross beagle.

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Q: What's worse than finding a fly in your soup? A: Getting your face smashed with a hammer.

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Did you know him? Why the anonymous tip?

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Why did the blonde girl lie? Because she's a liar.

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A man walks into a bar. After recovering, he sues the bar for it's irregular glass doors.

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How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

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If you listen to Justin Beiber all day long, what do you become? Very hungry and thirsty. And you need to go to the restroom.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? (knocker runs for life).

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what is the different between a prostitute and your wife one is on contract and the other pay as you go

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Why did the black guy lose the race? He toke an arrow to the knee

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what is black and white and red all over? a group of people of mixed races playing paintball.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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What's the difference between a pizza and a girl? I've stuck my penis in a pizza

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops