What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

thumb_up thumb_down +17

two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a black man playing golf? A golfer.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

We found a cure for cancer. Death

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make jimmy happy you cant he's in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you rape someone? No, its a question. I don't know the best way to go about this.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the little girl drop her ball? Because she was done playing with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is better than winning a gold medal at the parolympic games? Having two legs!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Face...tastes like chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

John, Where are you John: Here! Where's here? John: nevermind

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a homeless man in Beverly Hills? Charles, Someone who unfortunately had to drop out of school at a young age to work to support his dying mother. Hence, later in life, after his mother died, lacked the education to be enrolled in college forcing him to pimp to make enough money to eat and pay for the rent in his one bedroom appartment in his hometown-Mississippi. But times were tough in Mississippi and not many people could afford a whore. This forces him to go all the way to California where he found more people there were willing to pay for a whore. Business was good and soon enough he had enough money for a decent condo. But Charles still morned the death of his mother. Eventually he couldn't take the daily pressure of being a pimp and thought of his mothers death, so he turned to heroin. Soon all his money was fueling his addiction and before he knew it he was on the street, with no one to help him and no where's to go. Every night he goes to sleep on his cardboard box with the memory of his late mother in the back of his head. Sometimes Charles wonders what he could of been if he didn't drop out of school, but he knows that what he did was the right thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Find a half-worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the Catholic Priest say to the Altar Boy shortly after sex? Nothing. The feelings of shame and revulsion the priest felt about what he had just done meant he couldn't look him in the eye let alone talk to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the boy laughing? Because

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??? Because it was dead.....

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops