Did I tell you about when I hit a cat with my car? No, what happened? I hit a cat.

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That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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What is both blue and yellow at the same time? Green.

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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what has genitial warts? me

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oh, brown loaf is fine, i'm on my bike.

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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Thumbs up if u dont have aids:)

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I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

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"Knock Knock" "You know the doorbell is working?" "Oh, well, you know I'm here now. May I come in?" "Yes, have a cup of tea"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Wanna buy some meth.

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whats the difference between 69 and 6.9 theres a period in the middle

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Parkinson's dl;ghd;jgfldsj;foshdgoljdlkfnjslpaoijejknjvnoidnmaokepinjndonfvio

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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why did the girl stop laughing? there was nothing to laugh about.

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What is the difference between a black person and a pizza? Nothing, they both taste like chicken

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When is a great time to eat chicken fingers? Never Chickens dont have fingers therefore making it misnamed and impossible to eat them

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sally. I don't know anyone by that name, please go away.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

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What did the girl with two broken legs give her parents for Christmas? Medical bills.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops