What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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Have you heard any anti-jokes? ... Are you Jewish by chance?

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a swingset? No I didn't. Ya it was actually really nice.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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all the kids had fun

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Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing? A. He had no arms or legs. Q. What did he get for Christmas? A. A drumset Q. Knock Knock Who's there Not him

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Two hippies walk into a bar. They are both asked to leave because they are in violation of the 'no shoes, no service' policy.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work, and he meets this girl and they really kick it off, so the girl says, "lets go somewhere more, private" and they both go to a more secluded bar that has less decibels of noise.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Ebola

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How do you silence Justin Bieber? Hold his head under water until he stops struggling.

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hey! have you seen that clown at Walmart that hides from gay people?

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What do you call a black man with no job? Unemployed

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Hi. P.S: You have aids. P.P.S: Purple penis pumpernickel pie puppets.

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There was an English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man. The Welsh man couldn't make it. Again.

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A Jew walks into a bar, he buys it.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

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Error 37.

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whats the difference between a black guy and a park bench? well a park bench is an inanimate object that people use to sit on and feed the birds at the park. and a black guy is a living being who is looked down upon in society.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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