A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's black and white and red all over? I don't know I asked you

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Nineteen terrorists walk into three airports. Several hours later, thousands of people are dead sending the world into a state of emergency that subsequently changed how we live our current lives under the constant threat of both government oppression and extremist terrorism.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? A: Whereas intelligent blondes are known to exist, most scientists discount the existence of Bigfoot and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal, in part because of the large numbers thought necessary to maintain a breeding population.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock Who's There? Woo? Woo who? Stop celebrating and let me in.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The three of them discuss theology for quite some time and then begin approach various patrons with invites to attend their respective Sunday services.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue I have ADD Check out this flashlight!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why wouldn't Rose let go of Jack? Freddie told her that he was just a poor boy and nobody loves him.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Dude man, I'm high...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q:whats the wost thing that can happen to you when you find something? A:not finding something

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you stop a little boy from annoying you? You chop his balls of. Why was the little boy sad? Because someone chopped his balls off.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why do cats have eyes? So they can see.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why was the protester on the floor? Because the protest had become a riot, and police brutality is a serious issue.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You know what sucks? A vacuum.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? Against city ordinates, an old woman was keeping chickens in her suburban back yard. One escaped, and there was no where else to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did litltle Susie drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus Knock knock Who's there Not Susie

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas ? A treadmill

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

justin bieber is a good singer april fools haha you thought hell had frozen over

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops