Q. A couple went on a boat. The boat sank. Every single person died, who survied? A. The couple.

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why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? because it was two tired

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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I hear Lebron has a new phone. He has it on silent all the time. It's because he doesn't want to disturb anyone around him while they prepare for important games in which he will be an indispensable part of, especially during the 4th quarters of the NBA Finals.

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

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What is a black man's favorite food? It differs from person to person.

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women's rights

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Why did the Old man die? He died of old age.

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You wanna see something really scary?

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Two men walk into a bar. You would have thought that the second one would have seen it.

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Why did Brooke go to the bathroom? She had to pee

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Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Oh hey Banana what's up? Nothing much. You? Oh nothing, I was just talking to Apple here. Oh hey Apple. Hey.

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This is funny.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an alcoholic and a sex addict? A: A baby

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Knock knock "Who's there?" "Bark bark" "Bark Bark who?" "Bark bark bark bark bark bark."

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your face is kinda funny

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What hurts more than a bullet? A bullet penetrating your skin, muscle and embedding itself in your body

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Why did the little girl cry in school? Because she remembered her parents were both in prison. She is in a state run foster academy.

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How do you stop an oncoming bus? You push a stroller in front of it.

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Yesterday, I was assasinated.

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Why did the Jew pick up the dollar on the side of the road? Because he dropped it.

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What did the prison inmate get for Christmas? A warm chair to sit in

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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