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Q: What did the kid say after he told a stupid joke? A: Well they banned me from Anti-Joke!!

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Yo momma is so old that she will be moved to a nursing home next week.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It is actually not a good idea to say "who's there" to the random person outside. The man could be a robber or a murderer, and will realize a person is inside. He could bomb the door down and do anything to kill you. You should look through the window first, or through the little peep hole. If the person outside is an acquaintance, then you can respond. However it is best to not reply and leave the stranger alone. Safety is key to living a happy joyful life.

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Q: A woman is hit by a motorcycle. Whos fault was it the motorcyclist's or the woman's? A: It was the motorcyclist's fault. He shouldn't of been riding his mortorcycle in the kitchen while she was making my sandwich.

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What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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Little Johnny is sleeping overnight at a school camping trip. The teacher goes around to check tents to make sure everybody is falling asleep fine. Little Johnny, however, says, "Miss, I am scared of the dark. Can I sleep in your tent instead?" The teacher reluctantly agrees, finishes checking around and brings Little Johnny to her tent. "Miss, can I play with your belly button with my finger? My mommy lets me", asks little Johnny. The teacher reluctantly agrees. Suddenly, the teacher jumps up. "THAT WASN'T MY BELLY BUTTON!", she shouts. "Yeah," says Little Johnny. "Well that wasn't my finger, either."

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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Roses are red, violets are blue, purple is a color, I like grilled cheese

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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what did the tomato say when he was cut open? nothing, because vegetables are unable to speak

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what is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? dead babies dont stick to the roof of your mouth when you are eating them.

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Iif your reading this ur gay

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SOY COMO SOY Y ME ENCANTA SI NO ME VALORAS ESE ES TU PEDO

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Q: What did the homeless man get on his Birthday? A: Hypothermia.

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Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, Barbara called the exterminator, Who killed all 10 of them.

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Chlamydia.

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A man walks into a bar... He has a severe drinking problem, and his wife weeps for him

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I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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There once was a boy. On his birthday, he got a small puppy. The puppy was white and had big eyes. Boy loved his puppy and the puppy loved the boy.

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If you have 12 apples and I have 12 ice cubes how many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple because aliens don't wear hats.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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