my whole life!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red Violets are blue i cant ryme or spell.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman is a fictional superhero and a black man is an ordinary man of African descent.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the egg crossed the road? If X = chicken and C = the speed of light, then 2 to the power of the road which is 12 feet across times X/C = egg

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is translucent and smells like a carrot ? A translucent carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What does it smell like, what does it feel like, do you like it? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +8

"Doctor, Doctor I think I am a pair of curtains" The man was swiftly referred to the psychiatric ward.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

adam sucks off disabled old men for a pac of biscuits

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the fat guy survive the plain crash He didn't he died like everyone else

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do ghosts get whaen they watch porn ? a boner

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what do u call a black person by his name

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is worse than the Haulocost? Running across Africa with KFC

thumb_up thumb_down +8

if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

thumb_up thumb_down +8

When life throws you melons you might be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What does it take to write a good joke? A punchline

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What are pirate movies rated ? P.g 13 for violence and coarse language.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red. My name is dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a blonde with big breasts? A woman. Some call her "mom".

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats your name? Bill. I have a son named Kevin.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Sally was ugly like a shaven babboon So she created her own little cacoon And within a week she finally emerged And she smelled like shit what a psycho

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops