What is big and wet and smells like mushrooms? A big wet mushroom.

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Friends are a lot like snow You pee on them, they disappear

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Why did the woman lie down? She was dead

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How do you kill half the Mexican population? through a penny of a cliff. How do you kill the other half? Tell them its still down there.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It can never be certain, as chickens are incapable of communicating.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? It fell.

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How many dead kittens can you fit into a trunk? -19

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Who could be happier than a kid at a candyshop? A necrophiliac in a morgue

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I told you she was my Mom, but that didn't stop you!

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What does a blond see when she looks at a dog? A four legged mammal, refered to as canis lupus familiaris, or what is commonly known as a dog.

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A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

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What did the black man say to the other black man? We are both black men.

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A man walks into a bar. After several hours of drinking and loud unintellegable outbursts to those around him, the man wonders off to a nearby bus stop and relieves himself. He is now a registered sex offender.

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How do you make a Jew cry? You kill all of their friends and family members.

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Having legs.

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how come so many people die every year due to starvation? They don't have enough food and there aren't nearly enough spider monkeys in North America.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow".

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rape that shit

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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What's black, blue and smells like fish? A dead penguin.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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--"Do you like impressions?" -Yeah! --"Why?" ................... --"That was Socr-ates."

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What is blue and looks like a bucket? A blue bucket

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops