Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

If you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the Jews say before they got of the bus? Let's make like a Jewish kid's forskin and get the hell out of here.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Make me famous

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you cross a lamb and a pigeon? You get your house taken away.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

compardre No Pew.. Pew.. At mi OINK.. OINKs...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

The snails are salting one by one Hurrah! Hurrah! They fizzle up until they're gone Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting two by two Hurrah! Hurrah! They melt until there's only goo Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting three by three Hurrah! Hurrah! Some shells and slime is all I see Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting four by four Hurrah! Hurrah! We shaker-salt them even more Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What is black and can't support a family? A: A bowling ball

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats Jewish and Funny? A Jewish Comedian.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guess what else smells like tuna!?! A dead tuna fish in a can

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than a bag of dead babies? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A black guy walks out of a house with a t.v. He proceeds to put it into a moving van and moves into his new house.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are car Violets are giraffe this poem makes no sense microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops