What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

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Why didn't the boy want to go to school? Because it was 3am.

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what do you call a baby with a stamp on his nose.? Kentucky won the national championship this year

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Two cows grazing by the road. One says hey what's all this about mad cows running around? I wonder what is it like? The other says I don't know I'm a helicopter.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

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roses are red, violets are blue with a face like yours, you belong in a zoo but don't worry, cos I'll be there too not in the cage but laughing at you!

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how do u make a plummer cry? Kill his children.... :)

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why was the man denied his teaching job? because he is a wanted cerial killer in 43 states.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, my life didn't start, until I met you! :) Megan _____

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Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sunflowers are yellow, Daises are white.

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Q: why does the man like men? A: because he is gay

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Heads or tails? Heads. Sorry, I'm fresh out.

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How Many Women Does It Take To Parallel Park A Car ? Zero , The Husband Drove

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

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Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

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What did the girl say to her ex? Fuck you.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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how do you confuse a blonde? ask if she wants a cake...then rape her

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what did the man living in the box buy with his new found money? A bigger box.

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What would you do if Spider Man gave you super powers like his? Nothing. Spider Man is not real therefore you are most likely dreaming and need to wake up soon.

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Cyrus: Can you dig it?! Phil: I can feel it calling in the air tonite……..oh lord

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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