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How do you get a fat man to go outside? Blow up his house

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"knock knock" "who's there" "Chuck" "Get out of here Chuck I hate you!"

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how do you make an idiot laugh? tell him a joke from antijoke

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

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Why did the black man buy a watermelon..... so he can eat it.

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A little boy went to a sleep over . They watched a episode of pokemon and the flashing lights triggered the boys epilepsy he was driven to hospital and is recovered.

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Why do eggs come in 12? because 13 is bad luck

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What is hard, long, moist, and flesh colored? A hotdog you dirty, dirty bastard!

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Did you hear about the kid from Oklahoma? No. Yeah, he died.

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Ask me if I'm a tree "are you a tree?" No

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what falls from the sky, is white, and can kill you a refrigerator

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a truck.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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0000000010000000000000001000000000000000000000011111111000000000111111000000000000000000011111000000000000011100000000000000000000000000000000100000000000000000000000000000000000000001000000000000000000000000000000000000000011100000000000000000000000000000000000000111100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001111111111111111100000000000000000000000001000000000000001000000000000000000000000001000000000000100000000000000000000000000001111111111111000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 SMILE

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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What did the man say when he had sex for the first time "So how come I'm the one with the vagina"?

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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How did the black man get a nice car? He spent 8 years of his life getting a doctorate so he could be hired at a job that will pay for his desired vehicle.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? ...(No answer)

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Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor? A) Where's my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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