I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot, black, liquid, and in a cup.

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what's a snake that has no legs a snake

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Why did the kid lose his nose? because his brother chopped it off with an axe.

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How did the black man burn down the house. He threw a flaming match through the window.

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What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

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What happened to the boy who ate a piece of his Halloween candy? He died. It was laced with cyanide.

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hi little boy you want some candy i dont know do you want some candy you creeper

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for his birthday? A bike

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Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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what do you call a dumb blonde with no arms? Her name because she will not respond to anything else

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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What did Nick Comado say to the black person? Hello I live at 317 North 12th Street, Beech Grove, Indiana, USA. PLEASE come murder me and my family

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Twilight is so bad, I read it and personally didn't like it as a book.

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

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caoimhin is a dorty carrot

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Whats funnier than a massacre? Everything.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?' The horse say " i have testicular cancer."

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? You help him down.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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What's red and green and goes 100mph? A frog in a vehicle on the Autobahn.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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