A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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what doesn't kill you makes you crippled for life because you lost use of your legs in a tragic car accident

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

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There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

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PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

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what did the boy with dyslexia get for his birthday? bad grades

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Q: Why Marc can't run? A: Marc is a leaf.

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What is Ron afraid of? Spiders!

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Your mums a potato

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What's long hard and full of seamen? A boat, or possibly a submarine.

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

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Jebron Lames.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

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What was the racist kid's least favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate for an unrelated reason.

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What happens if you drop a baby of a cliff It dies

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If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

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Why did the man leave anti-joke.com? Because he realized that it was time for dinner and the ham was burning.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im really bad at poetry Your mums a whore

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What do you call a black woman that's blind and has 1 leg? Handicapped

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there were two cyclists cycling down a main road in china at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace, one being chinese and the other irish. why did the irish man get stopped and the chinese man not? because the irish man had in fact raped and murdered a young child in his native home town and then fled the country to china.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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