What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

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A coyote walks into a bar, because human development has rapidly destroyed his natural habitat. He mauls three patrons.

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KNOCK KNOCK WHOSE THERE? AVOCADO AVOCADO WHO AVOCADO COLD THAT'S A RETARD JOKE HAHAHAHAHA GOOD 1

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why shouldn't you get a clown angry? Because they'll yell at you.

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have alzheimers. Cheese on toast.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Clearly the only answer is because he's blind

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Why did Poppy lose at sports day? Because she had a heart attack and died.

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Ask me if I am a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

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A guy reads the bible Another guy shouts "spoiler alert, the main character dies"

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One a upon of time there was man named Cinderella. He was so mad because his name was Cinderella. The end.

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How am I supposed to eat soup without an envelope?

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Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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My cat just died.

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What did the Asian father say to his son when he got a b? Good job son!

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How many Russians can you fit in a Mini Cooper? It depends on how big they are.

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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Paper or plastic? Yes...

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What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

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You say tomayto, I say ecstasy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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