If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

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Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

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I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

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What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

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what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

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I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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A white guy, a black guy, an asian guy, an indian sit together. Canada

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Why did the black dude die? Because everyone must die at some point.

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Tim. Tim who? Tim Smith.

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What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

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Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

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Knock Knock. Please stop peddling your religion on my doorstep. .

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

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Did you hear about the peanut that was assaulted? He filed a police report weeks ago and is upset by the sluggish nature of the justice system.

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What do you call a duck who votes democrat? A duck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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