What's better than a stick? A stone

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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The umpire asked the baseball coach "Who is that on 1st base?" The baseball coach said "Who." The umpire said "Yes, that's what I'm asking." The baseball coach handed the umpire a list of his players to avoid any further confusion.

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A guy walks into a bar. No one notices he has epilepsy.

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A man takes his girlfriend ice skating on a lake. As they are ice skating she says "we should go back home and fu..." At this point they fall through a thin spot on the ice and they both drown in the lake. Fish ate their dead bodies

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Why did the black dude die? Because everyone must die at some point.

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How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

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Have you heard the one about the fat woman and the dead baby? The woman was actually pregnant, not fat, and just had a miscarriage.

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What's wrong with you? I have no idea.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

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A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

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Why did you cross the road. You didn't your looking at this joke

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Why didn't Johnny have any food left? Because he ate it all.

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

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How do you know when you're on the wrong side of the tracks? You don't. (Wyndellberg)

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb

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how do you kill a black guy ? AIDS

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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Why do they call Jean a redneck? Because her neck was red from being in the sun for so long.

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What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table isn't a whore.

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Mary had a little lamb, But it couldn't stop her from being raped.

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Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops