9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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What did the monkey say to the other monkey Monkey can't talk

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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Whats slower than molasses? Slightly thicker molasses.

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Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

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I ounce had a parrot it talked buy never said im hungry so it died

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Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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why did the mexican work for a lawn care service I don't know why don't you ask him

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What did one dinosaur say to the other? Nothing and if you think dinosaurs talk you might need to be diagnosed for having Schizophrenia. Invega is a subtle treatment.

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Q:what do you get when you get when you cross a dog and a human A: a human-dog hybrid with AIDS

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A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

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Why was the cancer ward sad? They just lost a patient who couldn't ward off cancer.

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why did the chicken cross the road? becuase he wanted to walk and the road was the only available place to do so

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bike? they both get hit by cars in shady neighborhoods, like Copiague, New York

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Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? A: Your balls are hanging.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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Knock, Knock, Who's there? The IRS.

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Waseem is such a hard worker on Anti Joke all day.

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-What's sad about four black guys driving off a cliff? -They were my friends.

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What do you call a black guy who wins a race? A winner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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