How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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why did the crops die? because a deranged clown sprayed them with liquid nitrogen.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Pansies are purple, Nothing rhymes with purple.

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A man begged for forgiveness, for a sin commited Jesus forgave him, Jesus loves you

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What do you call a dolphin mixed with a cheetah? I have no idea I was hoping you knew.

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Committing Suicide #YOLO

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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Why does the rabbit go in the hole? because that's where it lives.

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Sharing means caring, Caring is socialism

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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What came first... the chicken or the egg? How am I supposed to know?

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What do you get if you convict a white man of murder? A black man in prison.

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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Q: why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: He had no arms Q: Why couldn't he get up? A: He died when he hit the ground

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

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my grandpa told me "dont let fear rule your life" 2 hours later he got hit by a train.

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Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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